Rejection Brought Me To Posting [1]

When I first came to the internet in the mid 90,s, it was because of the pain of a relationship that was from my heart, and his ego. I could not understand what I had did wrong, or why I was not good enough for the person. I only wanted to be loved unconditionally. I throught I had found my true love (did not know or understand Twin Flame behavior). For 6 whole years, I was in the only person in love in the relationship. I may of been highly favored, but not  loved. The day I heard him say; "I love you but I am not in love with you" I almost committed suicide. I guess I woke up too early. He did not understand me or my gifts. He tolerated it, but, saw it as a sign of mental illness instead of Spiritual behavior. I had the fantasy in my head until coming here, it was not as intense, but a small spark of that hope still remained. I have put that to rest after all these years. For at least 10 of the last years, I assumed he would one day realize who and what I was and would then love me to infinity. The last the time I seen him, his last worlds was, "I will be back, promise".  That was 15 years ago.  No such thing is going to happen today or tomorrow. I know this in my heart now. I wish him nothing but the best. And, Im sorry for assuming he was my better half, I only saught to give the love that is inside of my heart and nothing else.  He got me to a place of self esteem and Im forever grateful for that. No one on earth has fakely loved me such as he had. lol

Today, the Twin Flame has a meaning and also I know for a fact it is a reality and not just a self induced fantasy. Yes, just as I assumed back then, there is another half of me residing on earth. This time Love is on the positive of my being here. I know who I think it is, but, the FEAR of rejection AGAIN keeps me from being more open about the situation. The pain is so intense for me, I dont want to feel that intense painful feeling again.   I wont consider suicide, but, I will be disappointed because of all the men on the earth, my assumed Twin Flame really really really feels correct this time. Pray that this matter is solved for me, I deserve to know the truth. Its my time to be happy.  If not, well hay, the fantasy was the best one ever.

Love Nageeta