Why You Need to Stop Being Nice and Start Being Kind [1]

By Marcia Sirota, MD

A lot of people are attached to the idea of being “nice.” It’s not so easy for these individuals to let go of their need to be nice, or to appreciate how different it is from being kind.

This distinction is important, however, because these two ways of being lead to very different outcomes in one’s personal and professional life.

It will be easier to understand the difference between “nice” and “kind” if we focus on the opposing motivations behind each way of being.

The nice person is externally motivated. He’s driven by the need for other people’s approval and validation; he craves acceptance and is fearful of rejection.

The kind person is internally motivated. She has good self-esteem and isn’t looking for approval. She’s less concerned about what others might think of her and more interested in doing the right thing. Her compassion comes from an overflowing of her positive self-regard and not from the need to please.