There’s a way of being that I’m trying to cultivate in myself — to let go of wanting others to be a certain way.

Here’s the problem: we all get frustrated with other people. We want our kids to do certain things, our spouses to be less something or other, our friends to change their lives, our relatives to be healthier, other people to be less rude, etc etc.

So what can we do about this? It can drive us crazy, but we can’t make it happen. It’s out of our control. Trying to change others, wanting them to be the way we want them to be, just doesn’t work. The alternative, though, is unthinkable to most of us: to just let others be however they want to be. Even when that annoys you.

“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anais Nin

Meaningful relationships are crucial to our happiness. We need the human bond to feel connected and joyful, and we enjoy life much more when we share it with people we love.

There are times, however, when we are forcefully separated from our loved ones. Coping with loss can be one of the most difficult things we ever have to do. Everyone copes with grief differently, and some of us never do.

When we lose someone we love, it distorts our universe and our peace, and nothing seems right. There is a future that will never exist and a past that we want to go back to, and we feel like we can’t be further from the present moment and reality.

“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.” ~Anthony de Mello

Do you believe in soul mates?

I did. I also believed that the only way to be blissfully happy was to be with mine.

At a New Year party, I finally found her. As we chatted and danced through the evening, we fell in love. It seemed perfect.

Life, however, had other plans. Soon after, she moved to another city. I never saw her again but continued to be in love with her for the next four years.

Why? Because I was consumed by the belief that she was my soul mate, and that fate would bring us back together someday.

It’s strange, isn’t it? How each of us have our own beliefs about the “secret to happiness.” We live our lives in accordance with those beliefs, rarely questioning them.

Over those four years, my belief that I could never be happy with anyone else held me back from finding love and happiness elsewhere.

Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering. – The Dalai Lama

You’ve probably seen or read something like it before on the Internet.

A beautiful image with a short quote that says something to the significance of “let it go” (if you don’t believe me, type “let go” into Google and look under the images tab).

And I’m not talking about the Frozen theme song, I’m talking about the idea of letting go of things in your life, whatever that may be.

But rarely is it actually explained how to actually “let it go”. More often than not it’s become no more than a slogan for happy living, with vague guidance at best.

What I do find interesting though is that most of us seem to realize intuitively how important it is to live without clinging to things, even if we’re not exactly sure how that’s supposed to happen.

1. Live with compassion

Compassion is one of the most revered qualities in Buddhism and great compassion is a sign of a highly realized human being.

Compassion doesn’t just help the world at large, and it isn’t just about the fact that it’s the right thing to do. Compassion, and seeking to understand those around you, can transform your life for a number of reasons.

First, self-compassion is altogether critical towards finding peace within yourself. By learning to forgive yourself and accepting that you’re human you can heal deep wounds bring yourself back from difficult challenges.

Next, we can often be tortured because of the fact that we don’t completely understand why people do certain things.

Compassion is understanding the basic goodness in all people and then seeking to discover that basic goodness in specific people...