Being born all over.

An-Ra's picture

I recently awoken.

Previously my day would start with me sleeping in. Getting late to work. Work in a job I was unsatisfied with. Then go home, smoke weed and watch Tv until I went to sleep.
This would go by, day after day. With a urge that I was meant for something greater. Feeling the need to save someone.

Who?
I have no idea.

Why? 
I have really no idea.

The days up to my awakening was me just suddently getting more and more interested in the stars. And what was up there.

Feeling I was constantly getting watched. Having to explain myself to someone. Something bigger than me. God? Who knows.

After being a bad person. Telling myself I was a good guy. Apologizing in advance to that higher power whenever I felt that today I'm going to mess up.

I screwed up. Me and my girlfriend broke up, after 4 years of fighting and neither of us having the courage to do what was necessary. Braking up.

When we finally did, I felt so alone. Realizing that I've been with the same girl since I quit school. Skipping my friends to be home arguing with her.

Moving home to my parents since we had the apartment together. Sleeping in the living room. As I couldn't bear to go down to the basement, where I'd previously lived. Because of all the memories stuck to that room.

One night having a lucid dream (I've had this for as long as I can remember, sometimes as bad as 2-3 times a week)
For the first time the whole room started shaking (might have been my head). Vibrating more than I can even start to explain.
I heard a voice. Also for the first time by the way.
Saying: You shall burn like the rest of my primates.

Freaking out. I had a urge to seek out the name Baal. 
Never heard of this name until this. And actually didn't even hear it then. Just had the urge to google it.

That was the start of my awakening.
Searching multiple religions. Summerian, Anunakki, the bible etc.

Then I remembered something a friend once told me. We were both drunk when he told me. But I got a strange feeling that this was what I was looking for.

He had been talking about a book, about the Conscious change.

Realizing that this was something i was strangely familliar with. Without ever having searched for this before. I knew that this was the thing I was looking for.

The next days I started to take this more and more seriously. Started to meditate. Stopped eating meat. And was trying to be a nicer person in general. And to my own surprise. This was easy. Yes I know. I sound like a douche. And I'm pretty sure I still am. 

The reason I wanted to write this post. Was that last night during my meditation (I do it laying down sometimes) I had a experience I can't explain. But I'm going to try!

After listening to a guided meditation tape. My body felt more relaxed than ever.

I suddently had a vision. Probably lasting 1 second in "earth time". 

I was a child. Laying in my crib, looking up to my parents. Them smiling down at me. I felt at peace. Safe. Loving. And loved..

Because this was like a splash in my face. I sadly got shocked, almost the same feeling you get when you suddently fall. Waking up swiftly. Regretting that my body shocked me so I got out of that state so quickly. As it was so great, you wouldn't imagine.

I hope you dont think this is just me hallucinate. It might have been. But even if I did, I really hope some of you experience this. As it was such a good feeling. I sincerely hope all of you will experience this.

This pretty much sums it up for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hT_nvWreIhg

Love you all, 
Anders.

 

 

 

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