I assume that I did everything I was supposed to do today, and yet, I dont like anything or anybody. I dont want to Love in this NOW MOMENT, I WANNA BE MEAN. I wanna sing Mean by Taylor Swift to all those who have been mean to me in my lifetime and there are many. I want to tell all those who have told me from birth that I would never be anything or anybody BULLSHIT. I dont feel like being LOVE at this moment. Sometimes Love is WEIRD. I dont want to be nice to the cabal. They were not nice to me. I dont want to love the Coojoe dog across the street that gets loose and bite and chase people. No, I do not. I dont like people who look at me in lust. Do they now about my childhood? How I was a victim of sexual abuse from 3 to 7? Cant they see the pain and anguish in my face???? No, I dont like that. ITS DISGUSTING. I dont understand how people can be so mean. I DONT UNDERSTAND. I work and work at releasing these and other things I cant talk about, and they still return. I broke down to a complete stranger yesterday and he was one of the few people who have showed me compassion. Why is this not common? WHY WHY WHY.
I just wanna go HOME. I just wanna crowl up under a rock and just sit. This world is not what I desire, never has been. An the soul contract behavior, it's really a hard pill to swollow. If you looked at my life and seen the things that I have dealt with, you'd be more amazed than I am that its a part of my soul contract. THIS PLACE IS DISGUSTING. I meditate, pray, fast, LOVE, anything I think that can help and in this NOW MOMENT cant help my damn self.
Right now, I love NOTHING. I pray tomorrow will be a better day for me.
Nageeta
Comments
i am sorry
I am where u r. i am there. this place is large. there are many others. we can't even hear each other scream. we feel like an isolated prisoner, but this prison. is huge the result is the same. isolation. we have to connect. like prisoners thru a heater vent. desperately.
I love you, I miss you.
I dont like the word LOVE
I dont like the word LOVE right now. I just wanna be MEAN. I played that video at least 10 times. I deserve to be mean at least once a year. Every since 1994 when I woke up, I WANTED TO GO HOME. Where is my home, I have no idea. But, its not this prison planet. I would wake up just knowing I would be where I was supposed to be AND I WAS STILL IN HELL. It was horrible.
I long to live as God intended me to live, not man. It hurts physically to be contained in this covering, with all the flaws attached. I just wanna bus out of this shit and swirl like the Light I used to be. I remember Lemuria, when my life was awesome. The memory is painful because it dont seem like it was real. I remember flying PHYSICALLY as pure Spirit, me and my counterpart (whoever that was) in unisom. It was spectulacular. It was the most undescribable feeling I've ever had. I long for that again.
I feel a little better now, but until im home, I doubt if I can be happy here. I dont even dream anymore, at least I dont remember them. They were all that I had left of my freedom.
I usually dont like people to touch me cause they have other motives. Yesterday I allowed a compassinate Spirit to hug me cause they had no lust behind the contact, very different. I dont really like people lookin at me cause all they see is the physical, yuk. I do everything to get them to stop (dress crazy, hats ect) but they wont stop that. I wish they understood that there is much more to me than meets the eye. And, im not all that ( oh yes I AM hehehe). Thats why I dont want a pic cause im Spirit and you must accept me as such FIRST.
Well, I guess that I will go and let this mean fade away. I just want more hugs from people who are compassionate, like yourself. I wanna sit down with you and have a sweet tangy orange. Im trying to do a orange only eating session, I used to do a one meal a day and it made me feel spectacular. I wanna walk with others thru thru forest, watch the animals. Those are the type of things that I long for.
I will be glad when we free ourselves. Im doing all I can to make it happen but we must need help. We MUST figure this out. I want to free you, me and anyone who wants to be free but it takes a collective to do so. That too, is a big disappointment; the lack of unity. Thank you for the conversation thru the vent. IT SURE WOULD BE NICE TO BE BACK HOME.
Love Nageeta
some days :(
You Did just help yourself! You authentically expressed your pain and I (and many many more) are sending you Light and Love to you! Much has become Ugly on Gaia and yet she still hold Beauty that takes my breath away.
We are all having to face the uglyness that has been in our lives. A lot of it Sucks, but we must make peace with it so we can finally let it go. Lord knows, I don't want to drag my old junk around any more. This is part of the journey, dear, so don't beat yourself up so badly.
You might try writing it all in a letter and then burn it in a flame to give it and yourself release from it. There are many ways.
blazintrails
Thank you for your
Thank you for your COMPASSION. Yes, I sure will.
Love Nageeta
I feel the pain you speak of
I feel the pain you speak of Nageetah. I had some questionable activity occur during my childhood as well and MORE through out this life. YES, I have screamed to the heavens in the dead of night on one occasion..... "I HATE HUMAN BEINGS, I HATE BEING HUMAN"....But I have come to understand the contract I accepted in this time, and the rewards upon it's completion. The rewards out weight the demands put upon me as the rewards will out weight the demands put upon YOU as well love. Most important to know is YOU ARE HOME WITH LOVED ONES NOW and are of infinite being, unconditional love and light. We are all contracted to our paths on Gaia, even the people you dislike. Follow your heart love.
Lotus
Its a blessing and a
Its a blessing and a privledge to get compassion back.
Love Nageeta
Orange Nageeta....
Bravo, Nageeta! You just acknowledged your shadow self. Before healing can start, we have to acknowledge the part of us that has been hidden away in shame. The "socially unacceptable part". You are on your way to healing. It's very brave to say, that you don't feel like being loving. That part of you, which is in pain, cannot love right now. See that part of yourself from the observer standpoint and envelope it in pink, forgiving, unconditional love. It's your wounded little child. Talk to it! Imagine your are the Goddess and you are soothing a wounded little child who has been through all of this anguish. It will feel awkward at first, but don't give up, no matter how silly it may feel. Start with saying out loud:"Little Nageeta, I love and accept you unconditionally. Little Nageeta, I'm here for you now. I'm giving you a great big hug." and so on... Take her to the beach; tell her she is safe now; that you won't leave or forsake her. Write this script out first, if you have to, then say it out loud. Between each sentence, gently breathe in and out. Move one of your hands (dep.on if you're right or left handed) from side to side, with each breath. This integrates the messages you are giving your inner child. Let the emotions emerge. Have a big pillow handy, so your little child can let loose if she wants to. Be sure to do this in a private safe place, where no one can disturb you. Be sure to have a big box of tissue handy. This exercise can work wonders for you. Self love is so important for us, especially right now.
Love and hugs
Words of infinite wisdom
Words of infinite wisdom Ra-Raela. I feel compeled to follow your words of advice as well.
Thank you, peace and love to all
Smile. Thank you for your
Smile. Thank you for your compassion. I know that this is HOME to me but the illusion at times seem real. When you have members of your family who ALWAYS seek to make you itty bitty for thier own self gratification, its very painful. Seems like they would be tired by now. I release and transmute that energy for them.
Love Nageeta
Love and hugs from one who
Love and hugs from one who has gone through much as well. It is okay to feel all that and to share and to be honest and real. All is forgiven and you are loved. Peace and Light and when you want it Love. MJ