BY Pamela
Sunday ~ October 14, 2012
I was not prepared for this Rite of Renunciation. It seems a little disappointing -- more like a continuation of what I’ve already been doing. It’s a bit frightening, though, to know that this could be the toughest Rite yet, although, it does not appear so.
Monday – October 15, 2012
I’ve been running a scenario in my mind like a movie. It’s one of my survival techniques that gets me through rough days. Generally, the scenario starts at night. It helps me to fall asleep, but if I find myself running it during the day as a daydream, then the scenario can last up to as much as two or three weeks – an epic movie. It’s sort of like watching a DVD while you do other things, except in my case, the movie is in my mind. I make it up as I go along. It is a delightfully captivating escape mechanism that allows me to be present, but not present. This technique is all the more enticing because the scenarios I create generally reflect the problems I try to escape, and, therefore, become mirrors for me to look at my outside world. When compared to calling upon the light, creating scenarios is an extremely inefficient way to solve problems, but the scenarios are damned alluring because I (my ego) am in control of the script.
Today, I am babysitting my niece and nephew again, both of whom are now three years old. It will help to keep track of my thoughts. I’ve noticed that, intermittently, I am able to call forth the particles in my body and ask them to show me their Divine Perfection.
What I do is form a picture of particles in my mind. I ask the particles in my cells to show themselves. I picture them glowing yellow. Then I ask them to show their Divine Perfection, their highest potential, highest possibilities – to show their Divine Love and Goodwill. I picture them being as healthy as possible and working together in perfect harmony and Divine Alignment. Then I call on their connection to the Great Central Sun beaming energy down through me to the earth’s core. I picture myself inside of Matatron’s Cube with columns of all of the seven sacred flames associated with the seven chakras (White, Violet, Platinum, Rose Pink, Blue, Emerald and Golden), surrounding me. From there, I can play with the light, intensifying it enough to join the energy grid system…and as I write this, I can hear my guides telling me that I’m making a very simple process extremely complicated. I know that one day, I’ll understand what they’re telling me, but, for now, for me, this is the way to go.
This is my understanding of sacrifice and surrender. I’ve always hated those words because they always sounded like force and manipulation to me. This understanding makes more sense to me. I sacrifice and surrender my attention to the illusions so that I can focus on the particles and call on Divine Perfection for all. What I really want to know is what are the rewards for the sacrifice and surrender? I want to track my progress. So far, the scenario is winning my attention.
Tuesday – October 16, 2012
This is awful. I’m completely engulfed in my fantasy. I have no desire to renounce my ego. All I can do is listen to the Mp3 message and hope that some of it sinks in. I’m also asking for the desire to want to release my ego. It’s much easier to let go of my ego when I’m suffering, but I’m really enjoying this daydream. In fact, I seem to be sacrificing everything else for it.
Wednesday – October 17, 2012
Boy, do I feel like I’m in trouble with this Rite of Renunciation.
What if I could focus on the light as intently as I focus on developing my fantasy?
Why should I give up a fantasy that feels good for an unknown? What’s so good about the light?
Divine Knowledge.
Okay. I’ve managed to call for a desire to renounce my ego intermittently throughout the day. This means that I have been receiving images of what would be conducive to my renouncing my ego. The most prominent image is of Oneness. What is very clear to me now that I did not see before is my own selfishness. Living my entire life through fantasy, I’ve accomplished very little. If there is one thing that this rite is teaching me it is that my success should be in the form of relationships – relationships of Oneness.
What can I contribute to the relationships in my life? I’ve spent so much of my time fighting relationships for fear of being manipulated and manipulating others. My fantasies have been my greatest refuge. How can I renounce my most familiar and safest haven?
Thursday – October 18, 2012
Last night, I was very unsettled. I listened to the Mp3 message as best I could. I had programmed other music to follow the rite’s message so I let it all play in succession. I found myself waking to a Michael Jackson song called, Butterflies. That song is extremely intricate. I remember hearing that it was in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most notes in one song. Well, in the movie about Michael Jackson, This Is It, Michael speaks to one of his musicians about one particular note in the song The Way You Make Me Feel which intended to perform. He says to the musician, “That note doesn’t feel nurtured enough.” That may not be the exact quote, but it is the sentiment. Lying there in my bed listening to Butterflies, I could here the nurturing that Michael gave to the song. I thought, “what if I nurtured each moment with light the way Michael nurtured each note?” Would that be worth letting go of my fantasies? What if I didn’t have to let go of my fantasies, just my reliance upon them? What if I wrote down these fantasies for other people to enjoy? If I took my ego out, could this be a service of Divine Goodwill? A service of the Light? Could, in fact, these fantasies help to build the very relationships I’ve been avoiding…my contribution to oneness, so to speak?
I suggested this last week, but I think I got hung up this week on the words “sacrifice” and “surrender”. I prefer to think in terms of choosing Light rather than sacrificing or surrendering anything. Choosing sounds a whole lot better.
Finally, my fantasy is starting to dissipate from its own accord. I’ve been asking my guides to help me let it go. It’s so close to the end of the week and I haven’t even analyzed the written message, let alone put it into concentrated conscious practice. I want to salvage some dignity before the next Rite comes. I’ve been trying to recall my fantasy to advance it to the next plot development, but it keeps slipping away, and, it’s okay. I don’t even want to beat myself up about the time I’ve wasted or my doubt about surrendering my ego. In fact, I seem to be coming back to my senses.
A friend called me for an update on the cabal and the breakdown of 3d reality. I hadn’t been following anything closely. I’d been enjoying myself – thoroughly. I told him I would get back to him. When I began checking the headlines, I suddenly remembered why I worked for the light. My energy was sorely needed, especially, I discovered, here in Louisiana. Not only is that sinkhole in southern Louisiana still expanding, but there may be a connection between it and the ammunition plant explosion up here in north Louisiana. I’m about 30 miles away from that. Family members, in addition, are sick; neighbors are fighting; and the city is becoming more militarized. Not to mention it, but the economic squeeze within my family is getting unbearably tight. Developing a peace commanding presence is becoming more and more imperative.
Friday – October 19, 2012
It’s funny, but my emergence back into light consciousness seems to have given me a new vigor. I must have learned more from my fantasy than I thought. Here are a few examples:
· A deeper sense of responsibility to the people immediately in my life
· A desire to call upon the best (the Divine Goodwill) in myself and in others and situations
· A greater sense of trust and faith in Divine Alignment – to let some things be and come about
· A growing desire to greet the day with light energy rather than a need to control its events.
The biggest surprise to me was discovering myself correcting my own judgmental thoughts against others and their criticisms.
Without effort, whenever I found myself thinking something critical, I would hear myself say in the background something similar to the following, “Look for the highest potential, the best possibility. Look for the joy and the happiness. Look for the Divine Goodwill and Love. Look for Divine Alignment.” My cells...my guides...seem to be reflecting back to me what I have initiated.
At first, it was awkward following the directives, but it was also satisfying feeling a spiritual scourging of impurities that were not Divine Perfection. My day seemed so much lighter. Eventually, I could see how I could call upon the best of the best and the highest of the highest without being under the pressure of imperfection. I could make the calls to invoke the sacred flames. I was in a good place which was great because I discovered that my computer seems to be dying. It’s okay.
Saturday – October 20, 2012
Last night, I developed a plan to call upon the light more efficiently. I will split up the day so that during certain times each day, I will call upon specific flames. In this way, I will be able to call upon each flame throughout the day, thus working with each flame more intimately, learning about them more intimately. My hope is to learn them thoroughly enough to be able to call upon them spontaneously as needed. Also, calling on them regularly seems to me to be like throwing pebbles into a pond to keep the energy waves in a ripple effect, ever expanding.
These are some of the rewards I expect to receive:
· A greater sense of oneness
· A greater sense of stability
· Wisdom
· Guidance
· Synchronicity
· Anything that takes me in a wonderfully unexpected direction
· Sense enough to open myself up to receiving these gifts.
Today was my first day following this regimen. It feels necessary. I’m discovering recalibrations throughout my being. It just feels like things inside of me are shifting. It’s off-centering or perhaps centering calling on Divine Perfection and Alignment within my being and without for each aspect of the seven sacred flames. Parts of me that I’ve ignored or denounced feel as if they are finally being addressed. It’s the oddest sensation.
Summary –
A part of me wants to declare this past week a failure, but another part wants to embrace the small successes. I feel more equipped to work with the light. I don’t know if I’ve interpreted the rite messages correctly or not. Most of the interpretations came through me, not because of me. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe that was the renunciation. Maybe this new daily light regimen is simply a way to keep my mind positively occupied while the real work is done internally without my conscious knowledge. Whatever has resulted from this past week, I feel ready for the next rite.
