On my recent walk, I was greeted at every turn of the path by a deer. Some walked right up to within a couple of feet of me. I felt humbled by their gentle love.A week into this beautiful month of November whose energies are gifting us with more of our truth and beauty, and my heart is unfurling its petals. Each morning, as I lie in my bed singing out a good morning to the beings who surround me, I tune in to our mother earth to hear the “weather report” for the day. Her mother’s heart is glad as more souls have begun to open their petals to the light of love. I feel the echoes of her joy. The days appear as beautifully wrapped packages, and there is a sense of wonder as to what I will find inside. I know that everything has been chosen specifically for me, each moment filled and orchestrated for my benefit! And yours. Each of us receiving the exact formula of light that enables us to open the next doorway. It may come in a plain brown wrapper, holding moments of quiet pain. It may be splashy and loud as one dear to our heart enters the stage to play. Know that each moment holds a key that opens the doorway to grace and peace. A friend calls with a threatening diagnosis, and in the hearing of the words, there is a space that offers peace from which to respond. My son points out his favorite bird as it flits and dips in and out of the pool, washing itself in the morning light…..offering a space to savor the communion of our hearts with the bird’s and send that note to all. The empty house today offers an open palette, waiting for me to choose the colors. An event is taking place today where an old love is present and my heart fills with a bittersweet pain as I witness part of me wanting to be there. I am called to be tender with myself while this memory washes through, asking for grace to wash me clean.
I felt at one with this log and leaves, nestled together, sinking into the mother in a timeless dance.
I am learning the art of self care. In the past couple of months I have had biweekly massages, as a gift to this body for all her care of me. It has allowed me to more fully inhabit my body with gratitude for her strength and health. This last massage was on a different level all together. As I lay face down, I felt all the silt in my mind and being, slowly settle into my solar plexus then drain into the earth. I felt myself one with the autumn leaves, lying on the forest floor, returning to the embrace of the mother. I envisioned the violet flame transforming my decay into gold for my mother. She sent up a shot of that elixir that spread throughout my being. I felt my light body above me, raining liquidlovelight into all of my pores. Emptied and filled, over and over. I could hardly speak, with the wonder of it.
My sister called to say that she felt the truth of the magnifying glass of the sun burning away all of our warts of pain (my last post). She related how formally, in the resolution of an argument, when peace had been reestablished, there remained behind a nugget of pain in the heart. Now she finds the nuggets are gone with the argument, as our hearts have lost their hiding places. The sun is washing our hearts clean, leaving them open and alive rather than burdened with heavy nuggets of old pain. This is the gift of now as so many old memories surface to be fully felt and acknowledged. Once seen, they are free to depart and we reclaim more of the landscape of our heart. We were conditioned to live in the tiniest of spaces with walls those nuggets built, all about us. Now we are stalwart pioneers, clearing our land so as to dance in fields of flowers under open sky.
Our bodies are asking for this clearing also, as many can attest, with symptoms of increased pain as stored energy releases. A friend is dealing with a painful inflammatory condition. With courage and resolution, he has made radical changes to his diet and lifestyle. In his research, he has found differing opinions as to which foods are inflammatory. Who to believe? His mind struggles with this as his body awaits his attunement to himself and his own expert truth. We are taught to follow the advice of “experts” and yet, I AM the expert on this body as you are of yours. Our bodies know what they need for health. They will offer pain to slow us down, to get our attention and move us more fully into our hearts. Our cells hold memories that ask to see the light of day and then depart like the decomposing leaves. I honor my body as my wisdom keeper and I bow to her knowing in full trust.
The garbage collectors have just taken away the pile of debris that we have cleared from the property. Earlier a load was dropped at Goodwill and gallons of old paint were taken to a paint store to be recycled. All the clearing of the last couple of weeks, has left me clear and spacious, mirroring on the outer, the inner process. Tuning in, my body is asking for a gentle walk and stretch rather than the bright, sharp dose of exercise it desired yesterday. Creativity is calling as my newest beloved painting awaits its beads of beauty. A friend pops in my heart and I feel a phone call happening. I move into this day with gratitude to myself for bringing me all that I need. I breathe in the knowing that I am in my perfect place, singing my tone of love. I know each moment will arrange itself in the perfect timing. I breathe that knowing through me and to you as we surrender to the flow of grace that is pouring in. Let us open our hands and hearts to receive this lovelight.