I awoke today with my own wake up call. As I lay in bed the thoughts and feelings kept rolling through me. Yesterday I had a day like I’ve never had before. The evening before Bob and I went to look at a vehicle to buy from someone in the area. We liked it tremendously and found the owners to be very much in tune with us, wonderful people. We came to an agreement on the vehicle and that started the whole process for me of accessing some of my innermost feelings about different things in my life.

I didn’t realize the depth of it until this morning. I will give you the info about what has taken place in my life recently. A few days ago I received in my bank the inheritance from my mother, who passed over almost two years ago. The feelings of what will happen when a gift like this is all gone came over me. I was feeling, what will I do for extra money when the gift from my mother and father is all gone. There are no more sources of these kinds of funds waiting in the wings for me. Oh, I’d better be careful how I spend the rest of the money that is such a beautiful gift to me. Do I deserve it?

Yes, I certainly do. I’ve spent my whole life being careful about spending. Be careful; don’t spend too much on this, or that. Do you really need this; do you deserve that? Of course you do, I said then and so many times. Still the feelings came up from time to time. Was it because it was true, or because people told you it was. Or was it because people told you that you don’t deserve it, maybe not in words, but in actions.