DEEPLY AWAKE – NEUTRALITY
It has been quite awhile since I have had words enough to spare in the act of writing. My thoughts, concepts, and my reality have all been somewhat misshapen, to a degree, as if a baby giraffe is wriggling under the wrapping paper I placed her in months ago. Odd, subtly miasmic, obvious in its symbology.
It's been fun playing with symbols lately. I am not able to look at digital clocks without seeing symbology, messages. I know that the psychiatric community might mislabel this “ideas of reference.” They are an imaginative and creative bunch.
Now, though, something else is happening.
I have perceived myself to have been in the bottleneck for some time now, maybe since Thanksgiving did I start to make this shift.
Thanksgiving was the first time I had a sustained conscious altered state. It lasted the day and into the night. It was sainted. It was holy. I was glowing. It was a day among days.
Christmas Eve ranks high, too. That moment when I saw, felt, knew this reality for the stuff it is. I perceived, somehow, in a way that I yearn to know constantly the density and vibrancy and aliveness of this reality, this focus. Becoming aware of it was a place so divinely clear, so perfectly and utterly benevolent, so breathtakingly joyous.
Holy crap.
These have been coming on with less intensity but more frequency lately.
I want to share two weird things that have altered me, or maybe I altered them.
First, the neighbor I give shots to for her disease, been doing that for years and years. Just after Christmas my car died, and I was canceled, and things are slim financially right now. My ex got the towing done for free, but the car will be $900 to fix. I won't have that money until Friday.
