DEEPLY AWAKE – RIDDLE
Do you like riddles? Do you remember the first time you heard the Riddle of the Sphinx? Riddles have always struck me as a bit dangerous, an elder taunting his student, displaying higher knowledge in the common man's tongue, confounding an intricate mind with pure simplicity. They are mysterious, deep, and speak to ancient, withheld, earned knowledge.
Such it is with daily life for me now.
Daily I am given two, three, sometimes more punchlines, solutions, connections and significances. I can think of no better word, significance.
And the thing is, all of this is going on behind a plain, sort of frumpy exterior, a simple woman living beyond her means, her means having become alarmingly scarce. Monumental truths being revealed to a beggar. The Universe breathes deeply once again, on inhale, all is in macrocosm, on exhale, micro. In and out, expanding and contracting, communicating always, inferring constantly, revealing at will. Whose will is always in question.
I perceive this hushed breathing now, have for a few hours. I think of my littlemind's life. I remember the truth. I get stuck on a physical problem requiring resolution. I am awed by another notion, my heart expands, my body flushes, I feel the presence of my family, I swim away again, to nearly drown again, in that sea of misinterpretation and silence, silently mourning that no one comes to my rescue, realizing only in meditation I never make a sound when in extremity.
I have come to understand that most of the isolation I felt this lifetime was because I went unrecognized. The part of me which feeds the whole operation, the coal pit in me, it kept lurching through, year after year, never getting a delivery, mining instead my blood and bones for the fuel to keep this whole operation afloat.
Yesterday brought about many ah-hahs for me. I was reeling from a mistake I made regarding writing some code in my wordpress editor which ultimately caused the whole website to lose its original theme. Many of you may have noticed this when you landed on the site and found that it was radically changed. Well I gotta tell you, it was not a fun experience, and it brought about a deluge of old programming. This massive wave of panic, overwhelm, doubt, and frustration washed over me like a proverbial tsunami. Dialogue occurred within my mind as to what, when, and why it had happened. There was a real fear of hundreds and hundreds of hours of work "not being put to good use" for the planet. It was amazing what I heard come up and how much I was irritated with myself.
