yourgypsysoul's blog

How am I not Myself?

yourgypsysoul's picture

If I had to pick a theme of my introspection lately it's pretty much been "How am I not myself?" and that's what I'm going to write about today. I've never fit in much. I've typically been shy, quiet and introverted although that's changed A LOT over the past few years. It's changed the most since I've been able to connect with other like-minded people.


Today, in a meeting at work someone made a comment and said that she thought I would be pretty good at sucking up. At the time, I sort of smiled and shrugged it off while inside of me I wasn't quite sure how to feel. Should I feel offended? Is it a bad thing that people look at me like that? Do a majority of my peers see me that way? I suppose, though, I already have the answer to the last question.


I worked at a ice cream shop in high school (my favorite job hands down. and not just because of endless ice cream. I wish I could be a soda jerk forever...) Anyway, one my coworkers was a cute boy who ended up telling me one day that I tried too hard. Not the same comment, but similar. And you know what, he was right. I did try too hard. I didn't feel like I fit in and therefore I couldn't accept my true nature. I didn't want to be the weird girl so I made every effort possible to try and fit in with the cool crowd. I knew I was different. I thought that it was wrong so I shunned that part of me.


I remember going to the store when I was little and just wondering why everything cost money. I didn't get it! Why couldn't everyone just take what they needed and leave the extra for others? Yes, I was a socialist in my preschool years. Of course that was all buried once I got to school and got "programmed". (IT DIDN'T WORK! I AM AWAKE!)


Thanksgiving Poem

yourgypsysoul's picture

I've never been religious at all, but I was recently inspired to write some sort of prayer up for our family's Thanksgiving tomorrow. In looking for inspiration on the web, I came across this poem which brought tears (of joy and Love) to my eyes so I thought I'd share. I am planning to read it followed by a prayer before we eat.


Thanksgiving by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

We walk on starry fields of white
And do not see the daisies,
For blessings common in our sight
We rarely offer praises.
We sigh for some supreme delight
To crown our lives with splendour,
And quite ignore our daily store
Of pleasures sweet and tender.

Our cares are bold and push their way
Upon our thought and feeling;
They hang about us all the day,
Our time from pleasure stealing.
So unobtrusive many a joy
We pass by and forget it,
But worry strives to own our lives,
And conquers if we let it.

There’s not a day in all the year
But holds some hidden pleasure,
And, looking back, joys oft appear
To brim the past’s wide measure.
But blessings are like friends, I hold,
Who love and labour near us.
We ought to raise our notes of praise
While living hearts can hear us.

Full many a blessing wears the guise
Of worry or of trouble;
Far-seeing is the soul, and wise,
Who knows the mask is double.
But he who has the faith and strength
To thank his God for sorrow
Has found a joy without alloy
To gladden every morrow.

We ought to make the moments notes
Of happy, glad Thanksgiving;
The hours and days a silent phrase
Of music we are living.
And so the theme should swell and grow
As weeks and months pass o’er us,
And rise sublime at this good time,
A grand Thanksgiving chorus.

History of Ireland - Q's

yourgypsysoul's picture

hello all,


I just finished reading the latest channeling from Montague Keen, and in it he discusses the Irish and their history. I've read bits and pieces about the Irish before, and how important of a role they play, however I'm not entirely sure what that role is.


Does anyone have any articles/sites they could suggest where I can find out more about this. I am curious as my grandmother's maiden name is an Irish one.






4 Little Souls - My 11:11 Experience

yourgypsysoul's picture

Sunday was a good day. I meditated. I rested. I did puzzles. I did a little bit of laundry. Life is good. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary happened for me that day. Although, I am learning a new definition of ordinary each day, so that might be a bad statement. Nothing spiritually significant happened to me that day. I am not complaning. It was a good, restful day. I suppose I would say that I was more in touch with my emotions. I got to thinking about Christmas one year when my dad got my sister and I each a pellet gun. We were not too excited about them. My next present was a gift that my mom picked out - a book about Josh Hartnett. (My teenage years... yes). I freaked out and was super excited. My Dad's feeling were hurt. I felt that again. I cried. I released. I forgive.


Monday morning, I woke up around 4:00 feeling like I was going to get sick. I sat up and ran to the bathroom definitely thinking that I wasn't going to make it. But, by the time I got to the bathroom the feeling had passed. I sat on the floor for a few minutes, just to make sure but it was gone. I went back to bed and fell asleep.

When I woke up a few hours later to get around for work, I felt... not okay. Tired, icky, bogged down... something along those lines. I went in that morning and ended up deciding to take the afternoon off.


I left work close to 1:00 came home where my babies were waiting for me in bed. :) Josh and our dogs, Tonks and Snatch, all snuggling waiting for me to join. Of course, I did. I crawled in between Josh and Tonks and boy I felt good. There was so much LOVE! in that room. I was cradled in a cocoon of Love and I knew everything was perfect. And it was going to stay perfect.


I found God in a bathroom stall

yourgypsysoul's picture

Sometimes I don't know when I am making things up or if they really happened. A few weeks ago I would have told you that I saw a light blinking in the sky and that it was totally a UFO. (Maybe I did tell you this, as this actually happened to me. It was blue.) Anyway, ask me now and I wouldn't be so sure.


I've been having the sort of day at work where I've needed to go to the bathroom every so often just to cry. This time I am writing rather than crying. Anyway, I've got the rest of the day to change it, right? And with the help of the Universe I am slowing turning the day around. This happened to me once before. I wrote about it here. That time I knew that it was an old friend, Mark, who had passed away that was helping me. This time, I think it's God.


I've never been much of a believer in God, especially after bearing witness to so much heartbreak in a short amount of time. By December of 2009 I had 0% faith in Him. But, that's another story.


So, back to my bathroom crying sessions... the last time I was in there I was sitting in the stall letting the tears flow when the title of this blog popped in my head. I found God in a bathroom stall. I laughed about it at first, thinking about how silly it seemed. Then, I put my head down on my lap and cried some more.


(This is the part where what I said in the first paragraph comes into play. I shouldn't be doubting myself about what I felt but it happened only for a split second and the more I think about it, the less certain I get. That's the problem, though, isn't it. Don't think, just feel.)


Meditation and Visualization experiences

yourgypsysoul's picture

I was feeling weird yesterday so I took the afternoon off work. After running some errands I came home. It was unbearable for me to sit inside so I sat out on our swing on the back porch and listened to the rain come down on our metal awning. It was incredibly peaceful.

There were some awesome cloud formations. The first one I saw was a low, dark, misty sort of cloud. I literally thought it was the Dark Mark at first. I watched it for a little while. Then Josh came out and I talked to him for a few moments. I looked back and it was all but gone. Only a few wisps remained.

A little while later another cloud caught my eye to the west. I can't even explain what it looked like. A light cloud in front of a darker cloud. And then all of a sudden it looked like a dolphin shaped cloud came out from behind the light cloud. It was really surreal. I'm fairly certain I was watching with my jaw dropped. The "tail" of the cloud even seemed to be kicking like a dolphin would!

I came inside a little after that as it had stopped raining. And also, I was hungry. It started raining a little while later after that and the sun was out! There was a gorgeous rainbow. It was a perfect ending to the day.

me under a rainbow

I also meditated outside in the rain for the first time ever. First time ever meditating outside. I guess it was just a bonus that it was raining. So peaceful. I started out with a greeting to any other beings who might be listening. I started out with a few mantras -- whatever came to me at the time, but I finally settled on the following:

I am pure energy. Pure being. Pure light. Pure love.


Subscribe to RSS - yourgypsysoul's blog